loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
