everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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