i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
