HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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