So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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