I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
