You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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