Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
