Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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