Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I need a burrito and a hug.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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