I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
