I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
