I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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