***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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