I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
