just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
