I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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