I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
