I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
