Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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