You're so nebulous sometimes
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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