I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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