Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and she was petting her beer can
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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