you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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