Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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