I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
