he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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