just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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