I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
