why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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