I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sorry about my life...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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