I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I understand Curling. That high.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
