We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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