I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
