Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
