There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
