Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
