whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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