we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
