I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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