He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
