Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
