why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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