do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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