look no pants
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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