You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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