I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
