He asked to "fluff my boner.."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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