i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
