found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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