Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
