My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
