Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
