Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
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If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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