how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
