theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
