Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
