Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
BRING THE BAGELS
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
jump out the window naked night went bad
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