thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
