How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
