oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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