matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
