Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
