Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
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I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
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You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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