The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
