Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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