I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
