fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
