there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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