Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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