I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
