Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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