remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
